A brief history of prizes won by men from the Bachchan family

The awesome art for this comic is courtesy my friend and super-phenomenal Flash artist Blaisy R.


And no, neither of us has anything against Abhishek Bachchan. This was just fun to do.

Chetan Bhagat visits Harvard, demands credit for grading system

In an unsurprising turn of events, Chetan Bhagat's recent visit to Harvard has caused quite a stir. In a press conference called by him for no apparent reason, he said, "Clearly the grading system out there with the points and the someones and the fives is inspired by my book. The least they could have done is give me credit for it. I do not want money, at least they can have a case study about me."

When a journalist mentioned that the system had been in place for many decades before the book, Chetan retorted, "That is chronology, which is only one of the aspects. I'm not saying I'm 100% correct. But at least I'm 70% correct. So where is the credit for that?"

To confirm this, he read out a letter from a fan.

'Dear sir,

You are the biggest author in the world for me. I especially like your books of Harry Potter...'

"Wr-Wrong one", he stammered as he quickly searched his pockets amidst assorted LOL's, LMAO's and ROTFL's. "Ah, found it."

'Dear sir, why only IIT - Harvard is also having story like yours sir'

He finished the line with a contented smirk that revealed his ignorance about other books having similar stories and more importantly, his secret fascination with being called 'Sir'.

He seemed unstoppable when he said, "That's not all. All evil profs named Cherian must pay me royalty for making them popular. I have contributed to 70% of their identity."

Asked from where he cooked up such ridiculous ideas, he responded, "The FPS buzz just does not die down. There are millions of readers out there. One of them was studying in Harvard and..."

He could not complete the statement because of journos guffawing at the unintentional joke. Soon, a steady stream of people began leaving the press conference when they realised that the promised veg puffs and cola were not to be seen anywhere.

"Anyway, I have forwarded this mail to the folks in Harvard. This is all I have to say on this matter. We have moved on", he declared to a fast dwindling crowd.

The last standing journalist from Aaj Tak was heard asking, "Sir would you like to appear on a programme called 'Lekhak ya pheku'?"

Chetan re-iterated, "I have moved on", and after seeing that no one was in the room, he added, "Let's do it." displaying again his skill at negotiating contracts.

Elsewhere, Vidhu Vinod Chopra was seen adapting the Taj Mahal to create an original 8th wonder of the world.

In which Chetan Bhagat sings a song from 3 idiots

This comic might not make any sense if you haven't watched the movie. It might not make sense even otherwise, but that's a different point altogether.

On the issue itself, I'm not on any side because I haven't read the book. But it does seem like a marketing ploy to get folks that have read the book to watch the movie and vice-versa. I watched the movie and did laugh quite a bit, so that's one down and one to go.

Images courtesy: chetanbhagat.com; www.madinin-art.net; screenindia.com

24 hours on Twitter...

...and over 17,000 followers. That can only mean one thing - that person's name is Khan.

Media couples that can never be

News channels / publications are making a conscious effort to brand couples by combining their names after 'Brangelina' took off like wildfire. A recent one I saw was Saif + Kareena = Saifeena. Unfortunately, Saifeena sounds a little too much like a muscular lady with a severe facial hair problem. But that's not all.

Imagine some couples out there who just can't be because of this new fad. Some are:

• Fardeen Khan and Trisha (Far-t)
  
• Tushar Kapoor and Eesha Deol (Tush-ee)
  
• Perizaad Kolah and Younis Khan
  
• Chunky Pandey and Rambha (Chunky Rambha)
  
• Diya Mirza and Hrithik Roshan

And poor ol' Genelia D'Souza. She's going to have such a tough time finding a guy without the letter 'T' in his first name.

Strange love's awesome story

As far as laws go, a couple of things need to change in India, especially the one regarding drinking in public places such as movie theaters. I know it's a big step, but then how else can one tolerate movies like Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani?

The day started off well enough, with a bike trip around Amsterdam which included a 12 km cycle route courtesy Mike's Bikes. This was followed by a leisurely stroll around the heart of the city and dinner at a Sports Bar with rowdy English fans falling all over the place. So since I wanted to end the day on a high, I really had to take some serious action. I'm not talking about something as pedantic as smoking a joint or having magic mushrooms. I'm talking APKGK.

Sometimes when things are terrible, you must be an optimist and look at the positives. So, since I'm feeling generous, I must say this:

• Ranbir Kapoor is so cute. and
• Beer makes a crap movie better.

These were the two factors that kept me going throughout the collection of super cliched jokes and situations including the mandatory chase sequences, 'funny fight scenes', corny love story, forced acting and ridiculous co-incidences like the hero and leading lady both being vegetarian and (horrors) stammering when they're upset.

Despite such ridiculous situations there was one brilliant joke in the movie where (Spoiler alert) Salman Khan (playing himself) gets introduced to Katrina Kaif and admonishes Ranbir for introducing her almost as though she was Sallu's own girlfriend. Very nicely done, despite Salman's accent.

However, the magic realism really became too much though when random pre-independence British authorities and Jesus Christ made their appearance to push the story line into oblivion. In terms of performances, Upen Patel gives a stellar performance in his role of irritating guy 1, Katrina Kaif still tries to act despite looking so good and did I say that Ranbir Kapoor is very cute? However, some of the supporting cast including Darshan Zariwala as RK's father acted as glue to keep the crap together.

Overall, I would say if you're in a theater filled with people who laugh at nonsenical jokes, have the permission or gumption to carry alcohol to the movie, or have just had a generally bad day, this might be a way of killing of some valuable time. For what it's worth, I would like my 3 hours back.

Hrithik Roshan's low profile

Now I know why Hrithik Roshan hasn't been doing many movies recently. Changing from a leading Hindi film hero to a leading Hindi film heroine must be quite an effort. Well, at least that's what Rediff says.

Do you like Bourbon biscuits? Do ya? Punk?

(Link via email from Vijay)

Kambhakkt Ishq - the review

For some reason my movie-watching frequency at theaters has taken a nosedive in the recent past. So maybe it was desperation that led me to watch Kambhakkt Ishq when a friend who recently moved into town invited me. After I watched it though, I could think of only one word for it - brilliant.
(Left: Akshay Kumar and Kareena Kapoor - wincing in delight)

Its punchy storyline and ultrakewl production design have you in awe from the first second. The script essays the antics of a very hot Indian-origin-soon-to-be-surgeon-cum-part-time-model in the US who tries to recover her mantra-chanting watch which she accidentally leaves inside a Hollywood stuntman whom she hates during her first surgery, only to discover that both of them are inconsolably, unspeakably, indisputably in love.

No, really.

This plot, my friend, is a flash of inspiration from the Gods. We can only wonder how such a brilliant storyline escaped the consciousness of all script writers, past, present and future.

Apart from the general brilliance, there is also a very tasteful scene in which an African-American lady digs into Akshay Kumar's butthole looking for smuggled goods. Of course, this is all in good humour and hence the movie is rated UA.

Annuuuu Mallliiiikkk - dear Lord. He, with any other spelling would smell the same. The song, 'Bebo, main bebo' had me tapping my feet in the cinema hall, but I had to stop because the person seated in front of me had a slight dislocation of the spinal cord. I also saw many others tap their feet out of the theater at this stage. They must have had something real important to do, because they missed one HELL of a movie.

There is also the presence of Hollywood, thus validating this movie for kewlness. I mean really, we are cool so we must like Hollywood films and their stars, right? So Stallone plays a cameo as himself, and not only does he give a Taurus award to Akki at an awards ceremony studded with fake stars, he even rescues surgeon Kareena and lingerie model Amrita Arora while they are driving through a shady neighbourhood with that Aftab fellow who never does any major roles. Mr Balboa just happens to be walking by at that time. After punching the lights out of the goons, he says 'Kambhaaaakt Eeeeessshk', for no particular reason and resumes his walk, this time (hold your breath) in slow motion.

Also there is Denise Richards, who seems to have reduced in quantity to Denise Richard as Akki-playa-Kumar calls her. We couldn't handle more than one of her, but one is just about right I think. Especially since our man dumps her for the surgeon with whom he finally finds trulowe.

So please, take your infants, toddlers, pre-teenagers and other family members to this movie. It's an experience you will never forget. Never.

Rating: 0.5 / 10

Amazingly accurate Bollywood star

Amazingly accurate results. I am Amitabh Bachchan. And my yousuck.com account has been notified. I wait.

Of course, image credit goes to The Times of India's website.

Why Aishwarya Rai turned down the Barbie offer

Jokes apart, I do feel that Ash turned it down because it possibly augmented her 'not natural' image. Or maybe, father-in-law disapproved.

An adjective called beauty

The grammar gaffe of the day comes from Chennai Times:


Actually, dear Gul Panag, beauty is a noun.

Regards.

Stayin' alive

Amitabh Bachchan wants to stay alive. Who's da Big Bee Gee!

Akshay Kumar gives Padma Shri to Aamir Khan, apologizes to Shekhar Suman

Akshay Kumar today shocked all and sundry at the Padma Shri awards ceremony by saying that he didn't deserve the award and Aamir Khan was the rightful recipient. "It's a hard to, youknow, deserve credit for not mine righteously", he grunted. He went on to spout, "This years in the IPL also, when Delhi Daredevils win we plan to give the award to Aamir Khan. Unggh."

On a completely unrelated note, he said, "I will never make another Chandni Chowk to China. I'm apologize to Shekhar Suman that I made him apologize." Incidentally, this statement elicited tremendous applause.

When reminded that Aamir Khan had already won the award , Akki retorted with an emotional "Arrggh" and leapt on to the roof. Apparently, he was promoting his upcoming film Kambakth Ishq where he plays a stuntman.

Victory?

Sometimes you see a trailer of a movie and just know that it's going to be a flop.

Having said that, I just know that I'm going to watch 'Victory'. Expectations from a movie couldn't get lower... well maybe they could. Love Story 2050. Shudder.

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